12:34 bedroom

We must not give only what we have; we must give what we are.
- Cardinal Mercia
I am who I am, I am what I am, and no one can take me away from me. Except maybe myself. But really, no one can extinguish that inner flame of being, I wonder sometimes, think sometimes, it may even go beyond death of the body. It can be buried, under anger, under despair, under apathy- but that piece of the universe that glows inside, i like to believe it burns for eternity. And when we die, it floats back out into space and takes on a new meaning, a new purpose. But for now, in us, in me, it is my destiny, to find that ember, warm my hands on it, and nurture it, o that it can nurture and guide me. A sharing with the universe, starting with myself, the smallest piece, inside me.

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you'll know exactly what to do.
- Michelle Ventor
Hm, but it may take a season or a lifetime to figure this out. I will let go of control and let guidance come as the moments are good. But I will also work to keep myself open and listening, taking action.

"practicing living “as if” the love of your life is already with you"
I like this. Live as if you are living the life you dream. You might surprise yourself and find one day not too far away, your dream is your life.
Reading more of Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl. Some passages today caught my attention.
"I did not know what the following days would bring, but I had gained an inward peace that I had never experienced before." (58-59)
I pray for spiritual enlightenment, spiritual solace, spiritual freedom. I pray to embrace humility and compassion and love to serve and nurture life, in myself, in the earth, in other creatures.
"...everything can be taken from a (wo)man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." (66)
Attitude is so huge, I see examples in my life everyday of how attitude changes the whole situation. Not letting other people's wants or opinions or behaviors affect my attitude. My response is my own. My feelings are my own. I dont have to take care of everyone- I am willing to trust in higher powers, in a Guiding Force to help me find meaning and purpose, and I am willing to believe these same powers will take care of others, will help them take care of themselves.
"Regarding our 'provisional life' as unreal was in itself an important factor in causing the prisoners to lose their hold on life; everything in a way became pointless. Such people forgot that often it is just such an exceptionally difficult external situation which gives (hu)man the opportunity to grow spiritually beyond [him]self. Instead of taking the camp's difficulties as a test of their inner strength, they did not take their life seriously and despised it as something of no consequence. They preferred to close their eyes and live in the past. Life for such people became meaningless." (72)
Oh I felt this. That life was meaningless. And so it became meaningless, because that is what I believed. I turned away from the present, because it was painful and i was fearful of all the uncertainty the future held. The past, in my case the very far distant past, was an escape, a refuge. So because I turned away from the magic of the Now moment, my life became meaningless, with no direction. I am grateful to be aware now of the magic in a moment. Of the weight a change in perception can make. Of seeing the same piece of wall in a different light, with new eyes. And how that perception makes all the difference.
"...in reality, there was an opportunity and a challenge. One could make a victory of those experiences,turning life into an inner triumph, or one could ignore the challenge and simply vegetate, as did a majority of the prisoners." (72)
I accept the challenge. Of learning to focus, learning to let go. Of growing faith and trust in something greater than myself, and willing to believe in Good and Love.