Day Six

Sort of like a day zero. Or -1. Yet, there is no backward. Only standstill, and that, only if we choose to create that belief. Everyday I am shaping thoughts and taking actions and Letting Go; they may not be grand accomplishments, but they are there, none the less, and I acknowledge my small accomplishments, and thank my Higher Power for its Love and support. The tools of program are the only thing keeping me from fragmenting right now. I am hovering between sanity and its opposite, my mind kept manageable by the small doses of spiritual guidance I let in, and by practical repetitive motions I can go through, to connect with others and in so, help to stop myself from tumbling down a very deep hole. A very strong wind at my back is doing the rest. I feel like two different parts of me are falling apart and crying, inside. The disease, which knows its time is up; and my spirit, shedding tear in joyous exhalation, and terrified determination. I am grateful for artists who share their ideas through film, print and sound. For people, sharing their humanness, and letting me know its okay to be human myself.