11:45 hotel room

Daring ideas are like chessmen moved forward. They may be beaten, but they may start a winning game.
- Goethe

“I’ve spent a lot of time studying different religious traditions and I meditate,” he says. "I think that all humans have that need for some spiritual meaning." says R. Crumb in an interview, talking about his new book illustrating the book of Genesis. I also think so. We need meaning and purpose in our lives or else we are without direction, without challenge. I over ate tonight, but felt like it brought me back from a 2-D backdrop, like when mountains look flat against the sky on the horizon because of the way the light hits them. I feel like the eating tonight was a bomb shooting up into the air and illuminating the scene with a shock of light that is shaking me from my dull confused normality. I pray to come to a balance point between the flat uncertain numbness and the sharp piercing pain. A place of serenity; of solid ground, of soaring heights, of present focus and clarity and awareness. Laying on the hotel bed after a long day, feeling neither good nor bad, just being, but disliking the lack of feeling. I tried to think what this day was for. Then I thought about what I had to be grateful and that made a difference. I closed my eyes and relaxed and fell into a meditative doze. Met up with the fellows and drove to the convention center for a couple of raucous games of bingo, all of us walking away with at least one prize. A toque and Starbucks recylced plastic coffee mug for me. Like the toque. Warm and soft, but I think I should give it to my brother. Or at least see if he wants it. Last night here, thankful for that. Thankful a routine to return to. A normal breakfast, a sized lunch, a snack, a planned dinner. And life twined in and up and around. I forgot to call an OA member tonight, I will do this tomorrow, one who I havnt met but was connected with through another girl and told she was also at this convention/training. More good classes today, but fatigue and over stimulation of social interaction made them a bit trying. Still very interesting; grad school financing, sustainable community change, sustainable living, and last a class on "quickie" energizing activities to engage a classroom. The second was the best, late morning. Pressing the point that we need to fix the causes of problems, not just deal with their effects. A story: A small village went to the riverside for a picnic on a fine spring day. The adults sat near the water while the children splashed around in the shallows. Suddenly, a piercing cry split the air. The startled parents glanced left and right looking about for their children, but all were accounted for. Suddenly, the cry again, and a baby came floating down the river. Shocked, the children waded in and pulled it out and handed it to those on the bank. How strange! All murmured and questioned where the baby came from. Then, another baby came floating down the stream and another. Soon there was an assembly line catching and passing the babies up from the water to the shore. Everyone was soon involved and busy with drying and caring for the babes. Except for one man who detached himself from the group and started walking away. Shocked the adults called after him, "Where are you going?" "To see whose throwing these babies in the stream!" he returned, striding away. Though we can help people for their needs, we also need to focus attention and resources to the root of problems. We can provide people with food and shelter, but we need to address the larger reasons for homelessness. This can seem daunting, but the key may lie in not disseminating into specialized "movements". Where special interests overtake the larger cause. Such as 'clean water movements' fighting 're-forestation programs' for funding and support, even though both are under the larger 'green' movement. Rather than funciton separately, I like to think of re-organizing the 'movements' so they are combined. Like a school. In a given school, you have multiple grades. Generally, we don't have a school for grade 1, another for grade 2, and so on. If movements are combined in one structure, then divided within it, I can imagine how there would still be separation, but less fracture. Mighty change is daunting, but we have to set our sights on it, for any change to happen at all.
Watched Practical Magic tonight. Others relaxing in their rooms or off at the bar. I dont know what it is about that movie, I cant help but watch it when its on TV.
I pray for courage and strength to connect with the earth, with the higher powers that surround me. I am willing to give myself to the universe. I pray for God's guidance. I let go of my selfish-ness, I pray to be lifted out from under its veil. I pray to serve. Please God, help me serve. Grateful for love.