12:16 a.m.

I am valuable, worthy and lovable. just as you are.
...
If I won't be myself, who will?
- Alfred Hitchcock
Maybe I, yes me! am going to do something that makes an impact, a difference. That by following my heart and intuition (that tap into the creative spirit of the universe), and finding and doing what i love, i will inspire others to find and do what they love. and can you imagine if the world was full of people finding and doing what they love? I have a framed quote, painted in big letters on my bookshelf: "Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive. Go do that. What the world needs is people who have come alive."
I thought today, sitting in the warm room before the meeting, looking out at the green neon sign, glowing across the street in the twilight, i thought- someone made that sign. someone made that happen. if you look all around you, at everything: someone made that happen. with a thought, with an idea, with a machine, with others. we take our surroundings for granted. the carpet under our feet. someone made that. designed it. made the machine to make it. the stop lights we wait at. someone made that. the light bulb. the traffic pattern. and so then i thought; there are many things we see that we don't know how are made or done, but we know they are done. can it not be the same with greater forces in the universe? that things happen, and that something is making those things happen? or effecting them anyway? All I have to do is be willing, im reading in chapter four of the Big Book. Thats it. Just a willingness to believe in a power greater than yourself. And although I already knew this, i didn't REALLY know this. I tried to put limitations and boundaries on a made up relationship with my higher power. But i really don't know. So for now, its okay to just believe in something out there, something greater out there, a higher power. There are many greater and higher powers than me. But I also can be willing to believe in a Creative Spirit, a uniting force. That makes things happen.
so many of my quotes are about choice. the choice to make your life out of what you are given. but its also about being guided. or, choosing to listen.
Reading some advice from inspirationalist Dr. Wayne Dyer. Some of his words about turning excuses upside down with positive affirmations:
"Excuse: I don’t deserve it. Affirmation: I am a Divine creation, a piece of God. Therefore, I cannot be undeserving."
something I should try often and tell myself when im down on myself for not accomplishing anything...i can enjoy my life just the way it is, because it is a piece of peace and good in the universe, and something i should enjoy and encourage.
"Excuse: I’m not strong enough. Affirmation: I have access to unlimited assistance. My strength comes from my connection to my Source of being."
"Excuse: I’m too old (or not old enough). Affirmation: I am an infinite being. The age of my body has no bearing on what I do or who I am."
"Excuse: I’m too busy. Affirmation: As I unclutter my life, I free myself to answer the callings of my soul."
I have been thinking very much about travel lately. Places of worship and castles and museums...Mediterranean coast, Europe, India, Turkey, Northern Africa...and now I have the means to slowly start saving up for it. A pilgrimage, a grand adventure to study architecture and culture and people's spirits; others and my own.
"Excuse: I’m too scared. Affirmation: I can accomplish anything I put my mind to, because I know that I am never alone."
...
"Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be." says Grandma Moses. Attitude.
Grateful for a night of a halted overeat. Grateful for time spent dreaming in reality. A bit off today, self-conscious and awkward. Grounding slowly. Will think about tomorrow then sleep. Thankful for sleep.