Write, says aimee, so I write.
re-reading through older posts first, last entry and first entry. the latter, which is the former, hit me as raw, powerful in its emotions. Where are those emotions now? Id like to say they are more smooth, the dips and peaks of the troughs have lessened in amplitude. They still exist but are less traumatic. Though sometimes I feel without those deep undercurrents and swells, my access to creativity and passion is weakened. I need to find another way to connect to my source.
Awareness. Is Connectivity. Is Frequency; to follow Will.I.Am's philosophy. The more frequent you do an activity, the more connected you are to it, and the more aware of it. I feel this again today, the understanding of the Fellowship's guidance of constant active compassionate service. For they have found that to stay sober they MUST actively carry the message of spiritual awakening out to others still suffering.
Can i consider myself a sufferer? I can. Do I? Partly, yes. I still go through periods of retreat into selfishness and spaces lacking courage to confront and release my fears.
Let go. Let go of tension, anxiety, just breath. Generally my life is very well. I am in good health, and have security that my basic needs will be taken care of. Spiritual, mental, bodily recovery.
Here. Now. In this moment. Breath. Thats all i really have to do. And love. myself, you, creation.
Move on with the steps, take the next step and make ammends. Let go of stubborn pride and give way to spiritual serenity. You've let go of the log, now keep swimming. I now know there is a shore on the horizon, waiting to welcome me, exhausted yet strong, onto its warm banks.