Wednesday, April 28, 2010

12:18 computer room

I felt worthless tonight, without a goal or need or purpose; a feeling that grew from unfullfilment during the day. I did no giving or creating. Just meaningless being, mostly.
I need OA, to help connect me to a greater power and my inner self. To help me let go of this terrible Pride that is putting up a darn good fight against any forward movement. Tonight was a very old binge- wanting, needing, taking. I pray to a god, to gods, to a greater power and force, to fill me with compassion, to lead me to the path of Love and humility, to guide me to my own strength and courage and show me how it can be built up into a sanctuary on a mountain of Serenity.
I pray to find the courage to move my feet in the direction they are pointed.
Thank you for my life, for the beauty in it. Let me learn from its pain, to make my life, to help others lives, be more full of joy and compassion.
Grateful for understanding, when it comes. Grateful for each day, and the lessons they give to me. Grateful for a strong and flexible vessel, though it begins to slow in its response to the insanity of the mind and sickness of the spirit. Which really can be made into a good thing. I can't purge anymore, only release.
Grateful for tears. I pray to let them come.

No comments:

Post a Comment