Saturday, April 20, 2013

About a week ago, I wrote this [April 15th]

FREEDOM. Spring Break! (from student teaching) Today is dedicated to doing nothing, with a little bit of necessity and obligation sprinkled in. As a garnish.

Lately: I had a week of abstinence from last Sunday to the Saturday of two days ago. That end-of-clean-eating-binge sparked the morning of the 13th and picked up fuel throughout the course of the day, culminating in a fireball at my parent's house - the place where I started this blog, and a space that continues to haunt me, as far as eating goes.

It began with not measuring out my breakfast food. Something I do to be reasonable. And I have done it long enough to know how much is just right for my body. Then, I had a second bowl. Afterwards, although I appreciate my home group gathering, my face was grumpy and feet were dragging to the OA meeting. Deep and light-hearted insight and connections with fellows helped to pull me out of the slump. For the duration of the event anyway. Drove home to a lunch that was scattered, prolonged, excessive. My chews matched the speed of the clicking of the remote. Left to meet my mother and drive south an hour and a half to a "typical get fat american restaurant" as she unapologetically labeled it. My extended family from Canada was staying at Great Wolf Lodge for one of the kid's birthday celebrations and wanted to eat at Red Lobster, for the seafood and the 2-for-1 online coupons they brought with them. Several hours later my mum and I left to return to the house I grew up in. Just us, as my brother and sister were staying with the rest of the family and my step-father was out of town.

We arrived, my phone was dead, I didn't plug it in. STRIKE 1. I needed to talk to someone immediately upon entering the premises of potential over-eating doom. "Let's watch Netflix" she suggested. I was tired. I did not want to watch Netflix. "Okay" I said cheerily. And got popcorn (a big no-no) and salted nuts (an even bigger NO-NO). STRIKE 2. "I'm going to bed," she announced after two episodes of Psych. "I'm going to watch one more episode", said I, attempting nonchalance while my eyes shifted and twitched nervously. "Will you be okay with food tonight?" she asked concernedly? "Oh yes, I'll be okay." Lie. STRIKE 3, light it up and watch the day and night and next day burn up in the farts of over consumption of carbohydrates.

Thank the Earth Goddess for a fresh, cold, bright Spring morning upon awakening. And the luscious trails behind my parents' house that I walked around with the puppy while my mum raked and clipped and cleared. Spinach is a cure all, and a bowl full with balsamic and strawberries helped me break the curse of the day-after-binge-restriction that always perpetuates the cycle.  Then, that afternoon, the blessing of a massage gift certificate left me walking out of a deep tissue experience feeling like a new person into a brand new day. Though later, I would feel like I had been hit by a truck, and miss an evening meeting (guiltily pleased). Think the release of tension released other toxins or energies in my body and feel a little bit sick today. Could also be the poor nutritional choices and poor sleep quality from Saturday night.

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