Sunday, June 5, 2011

Day Four

Funny how some days, the beginning seems just a blur, shades of mornings past, all conglomerated into a pale swirl of color and motion. Today is Sunday. I woke around 8:30 to use the toilet, then collapsed in bed for three more hours. I'm not sure why I am so tired, so often. Took a slow walk in the woods; I paused as an airplane flew overhead, because something told me to. Transferring my gaze from the sky back to the path, I was startled to notice a tiny spider perched on its tightrope string of a web, a few inches from my face. Being small, I probably, wouldn't have noticed anything, besides its web catching in my face, but there is the possibility it could have gone up my nose, in my mouth, or worse, -well, maybe worse- got stuck in my hair. Thank you, Something. OA M sent me a heartfelt text tonight, wishing and praying for me to invite my Higher Power in my life and for It to grant me abstinence, serenity, joy and hope. A very beautiful message. S had texted me in the woods, but I thought checking my phone sacrilege, so I waited until I returned to the house to call her back. She and her boyfriend were coming through by my way to hike Rattlesnake Ledge; I met them at the park and ride with my white and neon coral ski poles and we were off. A great hike for a warm, overcast weekend afternoon. Home to shower and pee (snapped at mum because she wanted my assistance as soon as I got in the door, which I did, though I should have relieved myself first as to respond with humility and leave the resentments behind). Attempted to go out to dinner, but thankfully mum called ahead while we were in the car and found out the place closed in 20 minutes. Took the next exit, and a backroad back home. A slight alteration on my meal plan dinner was delicious. Watched an anime and a netflix episode, then played a game of crib and watched two shows of the Walton's. Grudgingly helped A with her homework, felt completely rock solid exhausted. Laid on the floor for a while, petting Raskal in front of my mum's bed. Called Shane, and then called N, potentially my new sponsor :) Thinking about what she told me and then calling her back tomorrow, with my confirmation of her sponsorship. 9 months of step work. I know I have to accept my own responsibility in my recovery, yet I also know I need the guidance of one who has gone before me. I pray for the full and complete willingness to this action step, towards serenity of body, mind and soul; towards peace of being. I am grateful for chances, and for the strength and courage to keep taking them. Thankful for Love. Pray for Peace, through all the world.

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