Thursday, June 2, 2011

Progress, over perfection

Baby steps move me to my rocket launch. Not a bad first day, and realize I can improve it in many ways. Thankfully, I have tomorrow to build upon the positive actions I took today. Being involved with others is what is going to ultimately save me. By spending time and putting effort into my relationships with friends and family when I have the energy and motivation, I know they are going to be there to poke and prod at me until I respond to them, when I don't feel up to Connection. Same with habits. As long as I push them with fierceness and passion whenever I have an ounce of determination, they will be there to pull me with stubbornness and reliability when sluggishness or apathy rules my ego. I read somewhere that, at the end of the day, if you are going to keep a journal, write only the positive thoughts and actions you took for the day, regardless of how many terrible wrongs occurred or awful setbacks you think you fell into. That way, at the end of a period of time, you can look back and see a continuous trail of progress, and know that you are doing at least Something to move you on your path, where-ever that may be to...
Today; I helped a frustrated older lady change the settings on her new phone. I practiced patience with my mother, focusing on her needs over my discomfort. I made the breakfast, lunch AND dinner that I had planned! I listened to a voice higher than myself and stopped what I was doing to brush my teeth and get ready for bed. Now, there are many points today I could include in here that show the other side of the coin. (Such as snacking between meals, and eating sugar for the rush and release of awareness.) But for purposes of encouragement, I will choose to FOCUS on what I did well. These give me the hope, that maybe, just maybe, I can take another baby step...I feel good tonight. There were moments of fleeting despair, of angsty anger, and bleary blankness. And here I am, alive, not consumed by my emotions, and ready to sleep in preparation for another day.
Grateful for hot water, cold water, and the persistent loving of my mother.

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