Wednesday, February 3, 2010

11:30 bedroom

Though I feel strangely mellow and even a bit low, it was a good day. Not much work and my big saturday project was cancelled so I spent the morning checking new music and having a random long chat with a new friend from myspace. entertaining and stimulating and put a smile on my face as I walked to the lunch room. Slow lunch, talking, zoning out pleasantly at the end. Long walk for tea and fresh air. Started reading chapter 5 of the Big Book online and spent a lovely late afternoon and early evening absorbed in its words and ideas, to the melodic and emotional tunes of a new artist from myspace, catching each phrase and point inside me and re typing it in my letter to Sponsor E. Finished slowly, read a perfect email from Aimee (telling me to love myself and create my imaginary space right now, right here as best as I can), and ate some pecans slowly before I left, so I wouldn't be hungry and head straight to the food when I arrived home. Daydreamed about my book character on the drive, so much that I pulled over on upper preston road and scribbled some of the thoughts into my little book in my purse. Home and up to see mum for a short chat. Make her tea and make dinner. Eat while watching netflix, and over ate, but there was something slowing me down, forcing me to be conscious about the choices i was making. I ate a large amount of food, but I stopped. It was border line binge, but it wasn't a binge. It is really nice arriving home at a dinner hour, instead of late, so that I can eat, rather than fight the desire too. Hopefully, eventually I wont have the need, but right now it is programed into me by habit and very very hard to avoid. Finished eating, finished the show, and flossed and brushed. Went back upstairs for more social time, more love, talked with aubrey, with mum, then went to exercise. Talk with aimee, shower, sit with luke. A very good evening. Felt a downward tilt to my mood in the shower, acknowledged it, though im not sure why i felt it. But it was there and i scrubbed my body with rainwash body wash on the white loofa and soothed it away. its time for rest, in all my faculties of being, body, spirit and mind.
"If we search with sincerity, answers will appear" says Daily Reader. "May I continue my quest to understand. May my actions reflect sincerity of purpose and courage to change the things I can." I am grateful to OA for guiding me on my quest to understand. For helping me find the courage and strength to open myself up to Creative Intelligence of the Universe, my Spiritual Guide, who leads me to Love. I pray to live a life of humility and compassion. I pray to let go of egocentric thoughts and ways and embrace a life of giving and loving. Grateful for a safe house.

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