Sunday, August 30, 2009

1:55 computer room

so if yesterday and last night were an opening of the soul, today was the zipping it back up.
maybe watching Dexter re-runs wasnt the best cataylst for my personal plumbing of mind and spirit.
angry, sad. binged multiple times again today. tried to mediatate this afternoon, to really feel the emotions, but kept falling asleep, was so tired. the metting this morning was great, lots of people, lots of perspective, both through struggle and recovery.
i just feel so fucked right now. and im fucking myself over. these past three days have been like a steamroller. i have done nothing but eat and watch tv. tired, cranky, and frusterated.
i will eat breakfast tomorrow morning and get back on track. repeition and perserverance. break the cycle, make the good habits. and pray. all the motions are tied up in faith and hope. faith and hope, faith and hope, faith and hope...
dear guiding spirit, please, let me feel you again, let me lose this foggy mind, cotton ball body, and ragged spirit. lead me to the light. open a crack in my cell so i can bask in it, renew my hope to escape this numbing prison.
stealing, sneaking, selfish existence.
this is not me. i dont want to live that life.
i need sleep.
grateful for the promise of tomorrow, a new day, a day taken one moment at a time.

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