Wednesday, January 27, 2010

6:15 bedroom

wow, behind the days, whee have they gone. to food, to mind scapes, to work, to love. work is picking up again, which is nice. stayed home today, to recover from my cold. didn't sleep as i thought i would, and had a nice morning, watched videos and cleaned the kitchen and went on a long walk. went past where the forest path ends and opens up onto the wide grass road. continued past the first bend, to another, and then another. paused reverently to watch steam rise from a circular fork. veered right, bend to the right, bend to the left and pause again as steam rose in great clouds in front of a dark part of the path. turned around and started thinking about food. made lunch but a glich in the cooking time unleashed overeating. stopped before i was too uncomfortable, but still more food that was normal. read the next chapter in Big Book outloud in the sunshine on the living room couch, then exercised. went outside for another walk on the path, stopped at TreeMan and said a prayer, to the air, to the forest. A prayer for something to come help me live a life of compassion and love. A strong prayer of humility. For help. For guidance. Run back into the yard and a couple loops around, wildly joyous to be moving, to be outside in the chill air in the sunshine. spin around and around between the four trees in the grassy knoll turnaround and bound over to the trampoline. fly for a bit, free, so free. a thought that i don't have to feel restricted by my surroundings, especially work. that is a restriction i put on myself, a restriction of my mind trying to control other's thoughts and feelings. stretch, shower. sort of a hazy evening. finished the audio for Chapter 3 and sent my notes to Sponsor E. Wake up call from Ber, feeling isolationist. Going to C's tonight, a good thing I think, otherwise might stew in a mental fog. Feel very sedentary. Grateful for OA, accepting the compulsive illness for something I will have always. Might as well face it now, so i can move on with my life. accept it, take the action i need to, gain a spiritual life, and live. grateful for annoyances that help me grow spiritually. the third tolerance of patience, says the Dali Lama, tolerance against those who cause us injury. Love your enemy for they are a catalyst for your spiritual growth. hmmmm. I pray to embrace a life of compassion and Love. Oneness with all. the Universe. the One. Love. mind is crazy today. all over teh place. bouncing like a rubber ball in a box. which is what it really is, i guess ;) let go of the ball! open the box! laugh ;)

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