Monday, November 23, 2009

11:18 living room

An unexpectedly calm night. sitting sideways in the rocking recliner, clean and wrapped in a blue robe. a while of wide eyed staring wonder of pictures from last year's burning man. i really had no idea, really, how bleak, how magnificent, how other worldly it really is. a challenge, an escape. thats how i feel about it now.
a great day. bones cracked in the morning, then lots of connection at work. Supervisor back and weekend events shared with co-workers. Tasks completed. I feel good about what I did today, what I accomplished. It was simple, it was normal, but it feels great. A short meeting with Ruthie, who was a bit calmly agitated (that mode where you are irked but are suppressing it) and scattered as usual. Power shut off but I managed to heat up my microwave dinner in a pot on the gas stove. Survival. Could I survive Burning Man? Yes. Could I survive it well? Depends on preperation. And attitude. Knowledge and right action.
If you bring forth what is within you
what you bring forth will save you
If you do not bring forth what is within you
what you do not bring forth will destroy you
jesus christ
gospel of thomas
The speaker at tonight's meeting shared her story slowly and without great detail. But it was still powerful. Her poem at the end was raw and ripe with delightful metaphors and phrases. I will ask her to email it to me, if she doesn't mind. I would like to read it again. Sometimes, usually, I need to read things to really internalize them. Thats my trouble with languages. I see them before I hear them. I get caught up in the details, rather than the basic objective, the purpose. The spelling of the conjugation rather than the sound.
Where will my life lead me? I have a purpose and I will do what I can. To fill my spirit and to share the love I find.
Grateful for an abstinent night. For its clarity. For its space. For the magic I feel everything is a screen and I just have to peel back this top layer to see the essence underneath. Right now, its black and neon and flashy and soft and brilliant in my mind. But who knows, who knows. And it could change all the time. As we do.
Grateful for peace tonight. With myself. With my world.

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