Circumstances—what are circumstances? I make circumstances.
- Napoleon Bonaparte
Like the woman with the big glasses says, when you work the program, it works for you. When you put in the dedication, God dedicates to you.
A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
- Chinese Proverb
I think i AM beginning to change. I want people, i want stimulation. I enjoy it. But while that grows, so does the disease's desire. Both are increasing and leaving me squished between them. I want life, I wish to give service. I want to create my purpose without feeling shackled. But as that brightness increases so does the anxiety of the illness. I need to move, I need to shake, I am dedicating.
Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.
- Anne Frank
I am grateful for friends who accept me as who i am right now. who support me for who I want to be. who open their arms to me when im in need. Im going to spend the next three nights away from home, i need abstinence, i need three days freedom from bingeing, even if it means running away. I don't think I can move into the next step until i have some space and clarity for my mind to breath and my soul to brighten.
A busy and stressful friday turned into a binge night. A busy and enjoyable saturday -halloween adventures at a zombie party and then a costume rave- turned into a wonderful sunday morning but then a sunday afternoon, evening and night binge. I hold onto reflection every night- writing and planning tomorrow's meals. One of my pillars I am errecting to hold up...who knows? a roof? hanging gardens open to the sky? a multistory house? It might seem insignificant, but its important that i do it, build the pillars that will support my future.
A refreshingly cool november first, warmed by a bright sun. The night world illuminated by a glowing full moon. Sleep now, rest. And tomorrow is another day, tomorrow I will live just for the day. Service, love, recovery.