A fighting day. Surronded by food, snacks and vending machines. A spiritual moment walking to the ice machine, with the intent of getting some more pretzles and chocolate. The hallway straightened, and the sconces and myself were reflected in the dark windows at the end. I felt like i was walking towards another me, in a parallel universe. Walked into the room, filled the bucket, turned to the humming box of depression- then turned away. Walked out of the door, and glanced back at my reflection as i turned back to the room...and felt like i was now the 'other' self, the one who i had sadly contemplated only moments before. the hemmed in girl was now on the other side, i was the released one. i walked back taller.
i feel the need for spiritual help. the need to be completely filled with spiritual...wholeness. i dont want to distract. i want to actually read and learn and absorb. i want to get through this. i want to cultivate honesty. the willingness is stronger.
i will continue to ask and act as if. i need help. i want help. slowly but surely. i am changing. it might be for the worse before it gets better. most likely.
i am torn between isolating and going out for nothing. i want to be able to sit in spiritual solidarity with myself. without needing distraction. without desiring food.
at peace. with myself. with the world. that is the day i will be happy. dare i hope...
grateful for...a new day, the gift of another day.