Tuesday, September 1, 2009

10:42 computer room

anger ruled yesterday and into the night. of a denying, 'go F-yourself' nature. to whom im not sure. myself? probably. still torn between those two vying forces within me.
and i think thats the kicker. i have to just let go.
tried an online meeting tonight and it was wonderful. event though you couldn't see people face to face, the shares were just as deep and just as relate-able. and it feel so wonderful going to bed with a soft feeling of peace.
driving home after work today, felt an incredible moment of serenity. Listening to Kings, just so wonderful and happy to be in the moment, so aware, especially of the sky. noticed it this morning to, so beautiful. September first today, a threshold of Autumnm, the last vestiges of summer. around 6pm, driving over the bridge and towards home, the sky was baby blue still, and the clouds looked so soft as to be cashmere throws tossed around the skies. but in between spaces you could see higher formations, fantastical cloud castles tinged with pink and peace, like a scene from Michelangelo's divine frescoes or a digital fantasy world. haha, those are as different comparisons as they get, but the view just seemed to fit both so well :)
overate tonight, but I stopped to exercise, shower and participate in the online meeting. progress over perfection. really happy for work. and it was interesting, my daily reader mentioned today about giving yourself to God and letting your Higher Power lead you, in times of both struggle AND joy. which i think is very important to remember. that we can get caught up in the excitement of a moment/a time and that serotonin can tempt us astray when we are least suspecting.
guilt, mum just came down to try to get the dog in, he's barking his routine night time vigilant songs...against squirrels.
grateful for a feeling of belonging. for peace. praying for humility, help to surrender. the serenity to accept the things i cannot change. the courage to change the things i can - working the program, the 12 steps, giving service, even just by attending meetings. the wisdom to know the difference.
thank you for today.

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