Tuesday, September 22, 2009

11:39 dining room

past bed time. tight squishy throat. thirsty.
sounds redundant but i cant not thank the higher power for anything i feel it does in my life.
grateful tonight for its intervention in stopping a binge. ate an apple on top of my food plan and was heading for the nuts when mum walked through the door. at first, felt frusterated and dark, down. but after brushing my teeth and going upstairs it was like a weight was lifted off my chest and i was beaming at mum and the force that put her through the door at that moment.
awake now, but hopefully fall asleep fast in bed. swam after work at Seward Park, and almost had a panic attack in the weed infested waters. Thankfully my co-worker talked me down, but it irritated me that i was so irritated by the weeds. I think he explained it well, that I was breathing hard from swimming, and so not being able to catch my breath properly only exacerbated the problem. work vocab ;) worried about feeling for him. dont want to feel for anybody right now. think it, the emotions, would be skewed every which way. had my first presentation today, only a small part at the end after my co-leader, but felt good. want to really know the information so i feel totally confident and ready to answer all questions.
Feel normal. besides the throat. which isn't a bad thing, i think. i suppose. i will accept.
grateful for aubrey's young excitement. for delight in simple things. grateful for jerry and his firebuilding skills. grateful for the bonfire tonight and the fall wishes with bristol cream tossed to make small poofs of magic, for the connect with each other and our neighbor. grateful for the moment mum walked in the door. grateful for realizing my higher power is there for me. wants me. to get through this.

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